Due to Republican John S. McCain's recent troubles mastering the teleprompter, the Senator's campaign has organized a crack team of linguists, copy-editors, and speechwriters to publish "corrections" on the internet and in emails to press following all of his appearances. The first of these speech rectifications was issued this morning...
1:00:02 -- "My Fallow Hamericans" should have been:
My fellow Americans".1:01:35 -- "Iraq" should have been: "Iran".
"Iran" should have been: "North Korea".
"North Korea" should have been: "Shia".
"Shia" should have been: "Sunni".
"Sunni" should have been: "Terrorist".
"Was responsible for 9-11" should have been: "was
NOT responsible for 9-11, but it would be SO much
better for my campaign if they were".1:02:26 -- "Senator Barack Obama" should have been:
"Ayatollah Barack The Black Furor Osama".1:05:47 -- Please ignore the 53 references to "my friends". We don't
write those in, my friends, and, believe us, my friends, we
find them JUST as annoying, disingenuous, and gag-inducing
as you do, my friends.1:12:26 -- "Morse code" should have been: "Cell phone".
"Mimeograph machine" should have been: "scanner".
"Butter churner" should be deleted completely.
The Senator's suggestion that, "Computers may be the devil's
work, created to read our dirty thoughts and send them
straight to hell. I wouldn't know I've never used one."
should be forgotten and ignored completely.1:12:38 -- "Deputy Droop-A-Long" should have been:
"Senator Joe Lieberman".1:17:59 -- Please ignore "Senior Mixmaster", which should have been:
"Sir Mix-A-Lot" and was an attempt to make Senator McCain
feel more culturally relevant. We PROFUSELY apologize for
that attempt and promise not to do it again.1:18:22 -- "The groundhog that Americans washing machine was once
the kind of camel-toe we'll never be again" should have
been: ... we honestly... have no fucking idea what that was.1:19:03 -- "World Boar Spew" should have been: "World War Two".
"The Spanish-Fly War" should have been: "The Spanish-
American War"."The Revolutionary Whore" should have been: "Alaska".
1:22:55 -- "That flesh-waste who has ruined my Presidential hopes"
should have been: "President George W. Bush."
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